That moment when you are called upon to speak to more than one person in the capacity of “expert” and your heart begins to palpitate and you doubt your own credibility.
I think I have suffered with this syndrome for most of my life and not just in relation to public speaking. Being a Mother and trying to convince my kids that I knew what I was doing – yep totally faking it. Training the dog – pretending that I am the one in control. That time that a Doctor recommended removing my daughter’s Gall Bladder – totally faked that she lion don’t mess with my kid attitude. Continue reading “Simple Ploys to Beat Imposter Syndrome and Find Your Inner Wonder Woman”
Do you ever feel angry and disappointed by what other people do or say and find yourself in judge mode?
Consequently, it’s really easy to react to situations where we judge the other person to be in the wrong, stupid, not following the rules or just being a bit of a dick.
The Charlize Theron Incident
Yesterday, I was driving along the freeway. I drive a little red Mini Cooper and in my mind I am Charlize Theron in the Italian Job. Luckily, the freeway was relatively quiet, with only a few cars behind me and the right lane was empty. A 4 Wheel Drive Ute in front of me was loaded up with giant rolls of plastic. Suddenly, the giant rolls of plastic got caught in some thermal air pressure situation and bounced out of the back of the ute and flew toward my car. This is where I really did channel Charlize. I swerved like a rally driver and managed to avoid all the giant rolls hitting me by mere centimetres. The cars behind stopped and I can only imagine the barrage of abuse the driver would have received. This could have had a really bad outcome and luckily nobody was hurt and nothing was damaged.
My road rage gene was triggered and I thought “what an idiot, why didn’t he have them tied on properly?” then I got to thinking, who knows why he didn’t tie them on. Maybe his employer loaded them and told him they’d be fine and to get a move on. Perhaps the driver was really late and would lose a contract if he didn’t deliver and just did not have time to tie them. Maybe he had received some bad news or some catastrophe had happened and he forgot he even had the rolls on the back. He could have just been a dick though and thought “she’ll be right”. Whatever, I caught myself in judge mode by instinct.
We judge others by their actions but we judge ourselves by our intentions.
The time I did a runner
Here I was, a Mother on overload, a trolley full of kids and groceries covered in vomit. As it started to trickle through the boxes and bags and drip onto the floor, I made an instant decision. I hoisted one kid onto each hip and did a runner. What I do know is that my intentions were good. It was just beyond my capacity in that moment to even consider handling this like a grown up.
I am sure that whoever had to clean up the mess would have been saying some choice things and anybody watching the incident was probably shocked that I bolted. What they did not know was that I suffered chronic migraines and spent a couple of days each week hardly able to function. They would also not have known that every single cent was accounted for as we struggled to pay our mortgage, pay the bills and buy food.
It’s that moment where we choose not to react. To think about the whole person and what is really going on. By choosing to respond and not reacting we leave room for compassion and understanding. It’s when people feel heard and understood that the humanity is triggered.
We live our lives on hyper-speed, feeling that we need to have quick answers, fast opinions and make instant decisions. By taking a moment, even a 3 second gap to think and to breathe before we speak, most confrontations can be avoided. If our agenda is harmony, we solve, we think, we respond and that leads to much happier relationships with everyone around us.
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Is procrastination driving you crazy? We all have something that we are especially good at. Usually, we want that to be an awesome skill, talent or even a special gift. My special skill is the ability to bring procrastination to new and even greater heights.
Procrastination does not improve my life, it just makes me feel guilty and inefficient.
I have had to develop tricky ways to beat procrastination – hacks, if you will, which enable me to function more efficiently and get stuff done.
Firstly, why do we procrastinate? Why don’t we just get stuck in and get things out of the way?
The Reasons We Procrastinate:
- Fear. When a task is outside our comfort zone, fear is the biggest obstacle we face.
- Urgency. A task may not need to be done immediately, it may just have to be done by some future date.
- Mundane. Boring tasks are easy to put aside. They are just simply too boring to face.
- Perfection. The mindset that unless you can complete a task perfectly you should not start it.
- Resentment. The feeling that someone else should be doing the task anyway.
- Time. I don’t have enough time to fully complete the task
- Lazy. Pretty self explanatory really, just plain too slack
- Health. Not feeling well enough, lacking energy.
- Not my problem. Trying to offload the responsibility of a task onto someone else.
- Importance. My time is valuable, therefore it is not worth my time to do the task.
As I am a procrastination Ninja, I have come up with some unique and imaginative excuses to justify to myself why I cannot do certain tasks.
Examples of Excuses I Make to Procrastinate:
- I shouldn’t call that person right now, they may be having dinner and will feel annoyed and think it’s an international telemarketer calling.
- That task can wait because it’s way more important that I water the garden, check the mail or whatever other diversion I can conjure up.
- Folding the washing is the most boring thing ever so I will just pull everything off the line and throw it in this basket for folding later.
- The office needs a good sort out but I need to develop a fail proof filing system with cross checking and I need to research filing systems first.
- What the hell, why should I always be the one who mops this floor anyway? We all walk on it, it’s somebody else’s turn to mop.
- Don’t start something unless you are going to finish it.
- Arghhhh I can’t be bothered going through this boring process one more time.
- I am just too tired to do this task effectively, I will do it after a nap.
- If this task is not done it will not impact me at all. Someone else can do this one.
- I am my own best asset and my time is worth X dollars per hour, therefore I am way too important to do this task.
- Just need a coffee before I can get started.
5 Simple Strategies to Help Overcome Procrastination
- Set a timer for 15 minutes and scramble to get the task completed. By having a set time to complete or at least get a task underway you know that the job has a deadline. It’s amazing how much you can get done in 15 minutes. A timer makes you work faster and more efficiently, keeps you from being distracted by sub-tasks and gives you a sense of priority and focus.
- Have a designated “Anti Procrastination Day”. I have Anti Procrastination Wednesday – this means that everything I have been putting off has to be done on Wednesday.
- Just be brave in the moment. I have created a whole swag of affirmations and mantras which I use to help me to be brave in the moment. I also use a strategy where I think about the worst thing that could possibly happen and take that to the extreme in ridiculousness and then I can do a reality check on what is really holding me back. Just suck it up and do it.
- There is magic in going the extra mile. It may not be your responsibility to do the task but there is always a payoff when you give unselfishly of your time, effort or heart. The task may be mundane or relentlessly recurring and it just feels great to make the effort to get it over and done with.
- Pay someone else to do it. There are times when it is just plain practical to pay an expert to get the job done. If you don’t have the skill set, or it will take you a long time then it’s probably worth paying a specialist who can do it in a fraction of the time while you get on and do things that you love and enjoy.
Perfectionism is probably the most challenging to overcome because it seems so critical to do things “properly”. I used to beat myself up about housework as I never felt I was on top of everything that I believed needed to be done. I have now retrained my brain to not value perfectionism as a virtue. My mantra for overcoming guilt and perfectionism with housework is “Housework done imperfectly still blesses my family”. I love that so much! It says that I don’t have to be perfect, my home does not have to be perfect and it’s all about loving my family and enjoying life!
What’s your strategy to beat procrastination? Do tell!
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Once upon a time, I went to a Tarot Reader. It was many years ago now but I still remember the lovely words she said. She told me that my life would be like a Fairy Tale and that I would be surrounded by beautiful flowers. I took her literally and thought that perhaps she meant that I would have a beautiful garden filled with flowers. Now, years later, I realize that I am surrounded by beautiful flowers – many beautiful women in my life. My Mother, my daughters (my daughter and my future daughters-in-law), the women I am in business with, my blogging buddies, my mentors. All wonderful and powerful examples of disruptors – women who are making the world work their way. I am surrounded by beautiful flowers – different, all perfectly imperfect.
These women did not enter my life by accident though. I have been discerning about who I spend my precious time with.
It is said that we become like who we associate with and that the sum total of who we are as a person is a result of the people we meet and the books we read.
If this is true, it means that we really do need to think about who we invest our time with.
As a business woman, it has become very obvious to me that there are many, many women waiting to be saved. Saved by a man, saved by a windfall, saved by lady luck, saved by anyone or anything but their own efforts. It’s tragic to see women become bitter or jealous when they see others achieving. I have seen women make excuses and justify why their life has not gone to plan. My message – it’s reward for effort and happiness is a choice.
Right now, there is a lot of talk about entrepreneurship and the need for a “side-hussle”. The new term “Mompreneur” has emerged amid uncertain times. For women, security is key, so the need to take charge and get some good energy going around income streams is vital.
No longer do women look at the direct sales industry and turn their noses up as if they are too good for it. They are finding ways of using technology to turbo charge these old models. It’s so exciting to see what women are doing with online marketing in the Blogging Industry and how they are becoming change agents in new business models.
It has also become clear to me that age is no barrier. As a 50+ entrepreneur, I find that I have much to contribute. I have experience on my side as I have seen much. Industries come and go, I have seen economic cycles that have broken people, I have watched people rise and then discovered that there is much to their spirit and I understand why they rose. Now I see disruptors.
Disruptors are changing businesses and industries at lightning speed. They arrive with fresh ideas, new business models and streamlined, efficient ways of doing things. Over the coming decade, I believe that more and more of these disruptors will emerge. In this lies opportunity.
Women, you can sit and watch, or you can be part of it! You can choose to make technology too hard or you can embrace it. You can be part of what’s happening or you can wonder what happened.
Opportunities come in strange packages. Often they are unrecognisable as opportunities. Have courage, explore, examine but don’t miss them.
Change is here, I implore you be open minded and embrace it.
Love your life!
Have you ever been to a Tarot Reader?
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